Fear and Love

"Fear, as it were, prepares the place for charity (love); but when charity has taken up its dwelling, the fear that prepared the place for it is expelled.  As one grows the other diminishes: as charity moves to the centre, fear is driven outside.  The greater the charity, the lesser the fear: the lesser the charity, the greater the fear."- St. Augustine

I remember when Stephanie and I first met.  She was 15 and I was 17 and we were about as new to relationships as they come.  Stability hadn't exactly been a hallmark of Stephanie's homelife and listening and patience have never been my strong suits.  So, as with all couples, we eventually had our first fight.  The months before the fight had been la-la land but now reality came.  With the fight came a new kind of fear.  Not a fear that I would be wrong (turns out I was!) but a fear that this new love that was so wonderful would somehow be extinguished or diminished.  I remember those early arguments Stephanie and I asking each other, in not so many words, "you're not going to quit on me, on us, are you?"  I knew how much I loved her, and she knew how much she loved me, but as yet we couldn't see that love in the other person. 

I think that fear served a purpose for us.  It revealed to us just how much we wanted to be together.  I didn't fear being alone, I feared not being with Stephanie.  She didn't fear the act of me leaving, she feared the reality of me not being there. 

Yet, as the years went by that fear was replaced slowly by more and more love.  Years went by and the prospect of either one of us "quitting" seemed less... and less... and now seems nonexistent.  The confidence I have in her love for me and she has in my love for her has replaced the fear. 

I think this relationship between love and fear is why Scripture can speak so seamlessly of fearing God and also having complete confidence that we are heirs, beloved children, objects of His eternal affection.  The fear of being seperated from our Creator is what drives us into His arms, and in His arms we find no fear.  Confession is as fearful a thing as there is- to look your sin straight in the face and then to bring that sin before a Holy God.  What is conviction if not fear?  Forgiveness though, is the warm embrace that replaces that fear.  

I can't help but think that fear has served some purpose in my relationship with God.  Fear made me see how much I needed a Savior.  Yet, I know that in many ways it is time for fear to be replaced, driven out, by love.  If I truly grasped how much God loves me, where would there be room for a moment of doubt or worry?  Fear brought me to love, may love bring me out of fear.  

"Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved"- Amazing Grace by John Newton

"He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me" - How He Loves- John Mark McMillan

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love."- 1 John 4:18